The Gift of Time: Proactive Conversations About Aging with Parents

We often take for granted the good health of our parents.

My parents, for instance, were fortunate — preventive chemo for my mother and a pacemaker for my dad, were the only real health scares they faced, through their early 70’s.

In their mid-60s, they downsized to a single-story home in a 55 and older community, a move they presented as a “gift” to my sister and me. They cleaned out our childhood home, had the potential for one floor living, and extra room for a future live in, we thought they had it all figured out.

Looking back, this move filled us with a false sense of security. We, busy with our own families, assumed they had everything under control. The truth, however, was more complex. While we discussed death and what needed to be done at that point in time, we failed to address the realities of aging in between.

This oversight became painfully clear in mid-2022. My father, plagued by chronic jaw pain, clung to an ineffective doctor despite our pleas to seek further evaluation and a second opinion. His stubbornness ultimately delayed crucial medical intervention.

As for my mother, subtle signs of cognitive decline became more pronounced when my father received his cancer diagnosis. She, too, exhibited resistance to addressing her own health needs.

While they had the right to make their own choices, these decisions impacted not only themselves but my sister and me.

Sharing my story isn’t meant to cast blame. It’s a call to action. If I could rewind, I would have prioritized open communication with my parents about their health and aging needs.

Here’s why these conversations are crucial:

• Planning for the future: The average lifespan keeps increasing, but so does the need for additional support at older ages. Discussing potential scenarios and how you can support each other proactively can ease anxieties for everyone involved.
• Open dialogue about health: Regularly talking about doctor’s visits, medications, and any concerning symptoms fosters trust and ensures everyone is on the same page.
• Establishing support systems: Explore resources like senior centers, in-home care options, or even apps that can aid communication and caregiving.

Remember, these conversations are a gift — a gift of time, preparedness, and peace of mind for you and your loved ones. It is a hard conversation to start, but if you can, it will be worth it.